I know better than to go to him just yet. I know what he wants to see. I will wait for the sign to begin. I lean forward and gulp deep on my gin, the fluid warming me, numbing me to the proceedings ahead? Dutch courage? Not really? I have been here many times before. Why does he excite me so much, when all I feel is “dirty”? Suddenly Jason’s tumbler goes down firm on the table. It is the sign. I slowly stand, a bit wobbly on the heels due to the gin. I slide my fingers through my hair and run my hands round my neck and across my shoulders. I linger on my breasts and move down to my tummy and thighs. I catch the bottom of my dress and start to pull it up over my body. Before I can remove the dress he is there stopping me. I am exposed and restrained by him, holding my arms above my head and the dress twisted round my fingers. I know he is inspecting. His fingers brush my tummy, over my belly button, down to my freshly shaved area. I tense a bit as he slowly forces his finger along. I sensed that despite her apparent self-confidence, Vee was anxious, anxious perhaps not to have upset me but perhaps also that I would reject her. I laughed and immediately regretted it for her face fell but it was not derision but a nervous reaction. I sometimes do that at inappropriate moments, like when I’ m told someone has died. It’s absolutely juvenile but uncontrollable and I told her so. She looked less crestfallen. ‘Christ, Vee, I don’t know what to say. I mean, I know my gaydar is crap but I simply had no idea. I mean, with Tab it was easy. But you? You’re the team nympho. Rupert always looked knackered.’ She grinned. ‘That was the ghastly vicar, darling – absolutely insatiable according to Rupe who said he was steam-powered.’ We laughed. ‘So, Imo – do I stand a chance? I hoped we might spend some time together and you could see if you could ever find anything to like about me.’ It was my turn to squeeze her hand. I had ‘come out’ (ghastly expression) at University and.
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